Life in a Mario Kart World

A LOT has gone on since the last blog. I am beginning to see a pattern of my blogging. It most often happens after a good foster care meltdown. "Foster care meltdown": v, an inability of the recipient of updates to emotionally process an update that swings the pendulum in an opposite direction. Well, we are a few meltdowns behind. ;)

In the PATH training there is a lot of talk about attachment. How children in foster care can have a hard time attaching due to their circumstances. And sometimes because children rebel against attaching to the foster family, it can make it hard for foster families to attach to the foster child. Since lil man arrived as a baby, this has not been our case. However, I didn't realize the depth of attachment until we were in the car headed to the hospital for an outpatient procedure with lil man. A procedure that is very common and happens all day, every day. 

The last ride Ryan and I took together that early in the morning to Vandy was to bring a lil boy into the world two years ago. Although this ride to Vandy at 5am on an early April morning was with a different little boy, it was also met with just as much prayer and tears. A similar gut wrenching prayer of "God we know You are Sovereign. We know You have a plan and a purpose for this little boy. We also know You knit this little boy together in his mother's womb and You knew him before he was ever born. And we know You have hand selected the doctor, anesthesiologist, and nurses that will assist in his procedure today. But God PLEASE let everything be ok." So between tag-teaming prayer and tears it was at the halfway point in our route that I realized I had left my wallet at home. The wallet that held lil man's insurance card and prescription card, along with my ID. I had to make the guilt-ridden phone call to my dad and step-mom who arrived at my house before 5am to keep our kids. I had to ask if someone could race my wallet to us so we wouldn't be late. Thank God for family! 

So let me just share with you some of the details of surgery day where God reminded me He was up and at work long before we were. When we were signing in and getting wrist bracelets with tears in my eyes I had to admit that I didn't have lil man's insurance card with me but it was on its way. Instead of sending us to the end of the line she politely winked at me and said, "that's ok, I'm sure his information is in here somewhere. I'll find it later." WOW! Thank you, Lord. When we were called back to the triage section there was a major discrepancy as to who was to give consent. We had been warned by the doctor AND scheduling nurse that if we didn't have the correct consent prior to surgery we would just be sent home that day. However, we sat in "triage" for 2 hours while they called and called to get the correct consent. WOW! Thank you, Lord. And although it made me super nervous, it gave us more time with lil man. 

Once they got approval from the correct person things moved quickly. So did my heart rate. Just moments before he was taken back, Ryan and I were praying over lil man. He fell asleep. Not the "I got up super early so I'm gonna take a cat nap." I'm talking "it must be bedtime so I'm gonna sleep hard" kinda sleep. So when the nurse came in to take him away, of course I bawled like a baby, but it was so much easier to hand over a peacefully sleeping baby than it would be an awake and possible crying baby. Even in the hand-off he didn't budge. Another nurse in the hallway must have been watching and overhearing our situation. And right after the hand off as we were packing up to head back to the waiting area (still crying) this nurse stopped us and put a hand on my shoulder and began to reassure and comfort us that lil man would be just fine. She again explained how they would be putting lil man under and how smoothly it would be. And that was the last we saw of her that day. Let me also add, Ryan is the perfect person to have with you on a day like this. He is not uncomfortable with emotion and will hold you while you cry uncontrollably. And when you reach that point that you're about to spiral out of control he knows exactly when to crack a joke that helps you grab the pieces and hold it together. 

After surgery while lil man was in recovery we were called back to talk with the doctor for an update. The doctor recapped the procedure step-by-step and how everything had gone beautifully. He began to explain future appointments for follow up. And just when I thought I had done so well holding it together - I fell apart. I'm talking snot, making noise, etc. Muttering through my crying voice I asked what a back-up plan would be if he wasn't with us at that time. In that moment of brokenness in the dark little room of just Ryan, the doctor, and me - the doctor stopped talking doctor stuff and became a dad. I wasn't sure if he was going to join me in crying, begin praying, or just hug me. His response to the crazy lady sobbing was God's way of showing me how He had hand picked this doctor for lil man and for us. The way that doctor offered help was far and beyond his job description. 

As we walk the ups and downs of foster care and life with lil man it brings to life Colossians 1:17, "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." This does not mean everything will be easy, nor will things end my way. It means God is in control and has a plan. But that's another blog. :)

The very next morning after surgery we had our first CFTM (Child and Family Team Meeting). Since lil man was in a foster home before us, we missed his first CFTM. This is a meeting that takes place every 3 months and is supposed to be comprised of EVERYONE involved in lil man's life to work his plan. Including everyone's lawyers. We knew Ryan and I both had to be there. So we farmed out kids and headed out. (Thank you, Lord, that Ryan still doesn't have a job!) Due to confidentiality I cannot share the details of that meeting but it was a very emotional 2-hour meeting. As I've blogged about before, when we started this path our goal was adoption. However through our training and education of foster care we agree and believe in reunification. Emotionally, it has been a slow journey to cheer for reunification- with the bond we have with lil man. However, we are on board 100%. Then the meeting threw about 5 curve balls that we didn't even see coming. One may have even smacked me in the head. And at that point you fight your emotions and thoughts when the, "Well, what if? Could it be?" tries to push it's way to the forefront of your mind.

So what does all this have to do with Mario Kart? In foster care there are many twists and turns in the road, just like Mario Kart. You may be crusin' along on the path and out of no where you're hit with a turtle shell. It completely knocks you off course. Or before you even see it, there is a banana that causes you to spiral out of control. And the only way to over come the effects of the banana is to let off the gas and just wait it out. There are even days that you get attacked by the squid, blocking your vision and inability to focus and see what is going on. And in those twists and turns you usually don't have much time to readjust before moving forward. In foster care much is the same. But sometimes it takes days to recoup. However, every time we have been hit, had a spin-out, or been squid-ed - right behind those events God has continued to show us Colossians 1:17. 

This week we experienced a HUGE squid with the process and I won't lie that it took 2 days to recover. But within 24 hours of the new information I was sitting on my living room floor holding hands with lil man and his TEIS worker in prayer over lil man, his life, his family, and everyone involved. 

God has blessed us with some amazing friends that have and are walking foster care and adoption that have been prayer warriors. We have family that drops everything to keep our kids and speaks such truth and encouragement into our lives. Our case worker is PHENOMINAL! We have a relationship with her that I am learning everyday is rare. The team God has created for us to walk with is amazing! And each person is gifted in their skill set, whether it be early development intervention, fighting for what is best for lil man, counseling a friend, or loving on a grandchild/niece/nephew. Greater than their abilities- what has been a game changer for us is that the heart of these people are truly about the heart of God. This walk is not easy. But it is beautiful!! Because in HIM all things hold together!!!!

p.s. Our 1-month follow-up appointment from surgery is this Thursday. To God be the glory!!