Ground rules:
1) I'm going to give a quick background.
2) We are not allowed to post the name, pics, or personal information of our little friend.
3) While we are not allowed to share lil man's information I do want to vaguely share how huge God is in all of this.
4) Resist the urge to feel pity for any of the following and replace it with prayers for God's guidance and widsom for us.
Quick background:
In October of 2011 we felt the urge that God was calling us to adopt. After seeking counsel and much prayer in July of 2012 we began the PATH classes that are required to become foster parents. We still weren't sure the exact path we were to take in all of this so we just put one foot in front of the other and walked through each door as it opened. And let me tell you how that is NOT in my nature. It is NOT my preference. And it is NOT something I excel at. Insert God! It is truly amazing how He can change a heart! God - 1, my personality - 0. We graduated from the PATH classes in September of 2012. We didn't work extra hard to move anything along any quicker than normal, kinda dragging our feet. At this point we had an 18month old who still wasn't talking and a freshly 3yr old. On our second to last PATH class Ryan found out he would be losing his job at the end of the year. Upon graduation we didn't contact anyone to get rolling on the paperwork, background check, interviews, etc. A week later we got a call and were assigned a home study writer. Ok, Lord, as long as you lead, we'll follow. And I'll promise you I won't be running ahead of you on this one. I had great fear in the extremely high percentage of sexual abuse in Foster Care. We continued to do everything that was asked of us as soon as they asked. Before we knew it we were meeting with our Home Study writer and had completed all the homework. We continued reminding them about Ryan losing his job but they were un-phased. God - 2, the norm - 0. We prayed about wether it would be irresponsible to try to care for someone else's responsibility without any income. But the Lord in all his Sovereignty continued the path without haste. We received the official letter that we were certified Foster Parents in November. However, we were told that because we had requested younger aged children that we would be waiting a while. And honestly, that was music to my ears!
Now to 2013...
Ryan's last day at his job was December 28th. So as of today we are 36 days unemployed. Amazingly enough, in 36 days we have not even felt the stress of no income. God's rules of math are not the same as ours. (And being a former math teacher, it blows my mind!) God - 3, financial fear - 0. As part of our Foster Parent certification we have to have a landline phone. The only person who has the number to that phone is DCS. So when the phone rings we always know who it is. In early January we got our first call. My heart stopped as I slowly walked to the phone hoping we'd miss the call. That thing rings forever before going to voicemail. When I answered it was a case worker looking for a weekend placement. It was 4 teenagers. I have a special place in my heart for teens but in our stage of life right now, not something we feel we can successfully accommodate. But I was doing "bed math" in my head of how many sleeping surfaces we had for the weekend. Trying to work it out in my head it just wouldn't work. So I had to say no. Although it was hard to say no, I deep down was thankful. The phone would occasionally rang. Each time my heart would stop. Each time it was a wrong number or a solicitor. Two Thursdays ago it rang again. This time for real. The DCS worker was trying to place two little girls. One was 3yrs old and the other 1yr old. This got extremely real for me very quick! The 3 yr old was 3 weeks older than Ella. And her name was a name we had picked out for Ella but there was already one of those in our family. The 1yr old was exactly 3 months younger than Micah to the day. My heart immedately broke for them as the DSC worker began sharing their story. Again, amazed at how God can change a heart in an instant. God - 4, fear - 0. While on the phone another family accepted the girls. My heart was broken. The thought that one day those two little girls would learn that their parents were chosing drugs over them. This is the norm in Foster Care but with these little girls being so close to the ages of my 2 little ones it crushed me. The rest of the night when I would see E or M playing I would immediately think of those girls and weep. That there was an "Ella and Micah" out there about to be ripped from everything they knew. I never expected to feel this way over a phone call. It made no sense to me why we would not get these girls. We had all the "stuff" we'd need especially for girls. I had just boxed up girls clothing that afternoon that would have fit both girls. We had all the right beds we'd need. We just graduated E and M up in car seats leaving 2 free. I just couldn't understand. I knew in my head that they were placed with the family they needed. But I couldn't get my heart to sync up. As I continued talking with the DCS lady on the phone she felt horrible. She told me she would move us to the top of her list and that I WOULD be hearing from her the next week since she was on call. My feeling of dread for the phone to ring instantly changed to excitement. God - 5, fear - 0. I got off the phone and cried some more.
So a week went by... que this Thursday. Ella has been having a sleep regression and up all hours of the night. I remember jokingly telling Ryan, "I wonder if God is getting us ready for a baby." God - 6, useless all nighters - 0. All week I had felt the urgency to get down all the clothes from the attic to sort by age and gender. We started looking into possibly getting a van. If we ended up with a sibling group we would have to take two cars everywhere we went. So 2 days ago during the kids nap Ryan and I pulled down every box in the attic into the living room to begin sorting. God - 7, unprepared - 0. Just then the phone rang. Ryan was still in the attic and I was lunging over boxes. I didn't make it to the DCS phone in time. I immediately began scurrying to find my cell as they try that next. I answered and the DCS worker this time said she had a 4mo old little boy to place. (Technically he is still 3mo.) She began telling his story and I (again) began weeping. He is considered a "drug baby". She began saying things like "he is colicy, doesn't like to be held, or swaddled. He doesn't like the swing or to be confined." Well, Micah was the poster child for colic. Skipping the details, he arrived within 2 hours of the call. When his case worker pulled in the driveway I met her there to intercept him while she got his diaper bag. He was squalling. As soon as I got in the house with him he stopped. When she entered right behind me she looked shocked and began telling me how surprised she was that he was so calm. God - 8, baby's past - 0. Now, this has nothing to do with me. In the home I grew up in there were no tips or pointers of how to be an affectionate, loving mom. This is truly a testament of how mighty God is! God - 9, growing up w/o a mom - 0. An hour after lil man had been in our home he fell asleep on my chest. All cuddled up. God - 10, "doesn't like to be held" - 0. He slept for about an hour while Ella and Micah were hugging and kissing and patting all over him. Another God thing. I knew E would love him but wasn't so sure about Micah. Micah immediately began laying his head on lil man's back and trying to hug him. God - 11, my thoughts - 0. We were told certain things about how he eats that would be problematic. We experienced none of those things. God - 12, Baby's past - 0. We were told he was extremely colicy. Over the first 24hours he hadn't cried at all. God - 13, Colic - 0. (I'm sure we will be exiting the honeymoon phase soon.) He arrived with some respiratory problems so we expected to have a long night due to that. Well, he slept like a log the first night. God - 14, respiratory problem - 0. Lil man's case worker called the next morning to check in. I went on and on about how well he had done. She was so surprised she asked if she could come see him. When she arrived he was swinging in the swing cooing at Ella. The case worker was so surprised she began taking pictures. God -15, "he doesn't like the swing" - 0. While the case worker and I talked I ended up holding him and he fell asleep on me again. The case worker took out her phone and began the paparazzi again. God - 16, "he doesn't like to be held"- 0. She was shocked. His case worker is WONDERFUL!! I expected a "business-like" guard with what I would be allowed to know of the situation. Nope, she told me anything I wanted to know. God - 17, my expectation - 0. As we were talking about lil man's improvements she was stumped. I just kept saying "God is certainly all over this." She didn't comment or disapprove. So we are praying for her too. The first night I didn't sleep a wink. Was thinking about the birth mom and honestly, thinking judgmentally about her. I was asking lil man's case worker about the birth mom and she filled me in. I immedately started crying in my living room over her story. God instantly took my heart of judgment and turned it into mercy. Something ONLY God can do. If you know me, mercy is NOT my spiritual gift. God - 18, judgment - 0. And in all this, Ryan is still unemployed. The day before we received the call for this little guy, unemployment FINALLY kicked in. God - 19, no income - 0. That same day our tax return was accepted! God - 20, no income - 0. But the fact that Ryan is home to help the transition with everyone God - 21, 22, and 23, our plans and ways - 0. We have had people coming out of the wood work to help, encourage, pray, and love. I'm talking family, friends, strangers, etc. Had a friend just this morning stop by on her way out to run some errands to use her stethoscope to listen to lil man's respiratory issues. God - 24, unequipped - 0. Truly a partnership of James 1:27. It is humbling. I am grateful. I am overwhelmed at God's sovereignty. Whatever comes of this situation, of our family, of lil man's family... may God truly be worshiped and receive all the glory!
I hope you are able to read this (as lengthy as it is) not in pity. Not in "poor lil man, he's had such a hard life" - even though he has. Not as "poor Ryan, he's been unemployed for over a month" - even though he has. But I hope you will read this and join us in saying,"Lord, this all looks, sounds, and seems crazy. But we know you have a plan and a future for everyone involved. May we not pity ourselves but rejoice that you have called us to love this lil man and potentially his birth mom. Give us wisdom and strength in how to accomplish your will. May we walk by faith and not by sight."
And lastly, I hope you are able to read this and know that the same God that is in control of all the goings on in our home is the same God that wants to do the same for you.
